Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski


24596066The first lesson in this essential, transformative book by Dr. Emily Nagoski is that every woman has her own unique sexuality, like a fingerprint, and that women vary more than men in our anatomy, our sexual response mechanisms, and the way our bodies respond to the sexual world. So we never need to judge ourselves based on others’ experiences. Because women vary, and that’s normal.

Second lesson: sex happens in a context. And all the complications of everyday life influence the context surrounding a woman’s arousal, desire, and orgasm.

Cutting-edge research across multiple disciplines tells us that the most important factor for women in creating and sustaining a fulfilling sex life, is not what you do in bed or how you do it, but how you feel about it. Which means that stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman’s sexual wellbeing; they are central to it. Once you understand these factors, and how to influence them, you can create for yourself better sex and more profound pleasure than you ever thought possible.


In medicine there’s a knowledge translation gap. Information about a new treatment or a better way of doing things takes, on average, fifteen years to become standard practice. Fifteen years! In the realm of human sexuality, though, the gap feels more like thirty years. Nagoski navigates that chasm by taking clinical research, wrapping it in a bit of self-help, and presenting it in an approachable way.
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